s4ep6 recap – schwing!

Find out what’s schwingtastic after the jump…

Guten tag, TB’ers! This episode marks the halfway point of the current season, did you know that? A halfway point is usually an excellent time to sit back and take stock. Have we accomplished anything this season so far? I’m really not sure. Maybe tonight’s episode will clear everything up! We can only hope. Let’s find out…

So remember when I wrote last week that “Bill is pissed and speeds off, no doubt to catch Eric and Sookie mid-coitus”? Man was I right. We pick up with Sookie and Eric, who have made it back into the house and are making out and except for Sookie’s hideous dress it’s decently hot. But Sookie is soon down to a bra and panties and Eric is shirtless (à la banner pic) so it’s working and then they hit the couch and oh hello Bill! There’s a little vamp on vamp fighting until Sookie tells Eric Bill is her king and Eric is all “my liege, forgive me.” This new Eric has such respect for authority.

Awesome sexy freaky credits.

After the credits we’ve been magically transported to the King’s castle, where Eric is all noble and deferent as Bill’s hired goons drag him to Bill’s private prison. Sookie is pretty badass standing up to Bill and telling him she won’t leave without Eric. But you can’t argue with hired goons who get her out. Bill Skypes with Nan (excellent resolution on his monitor) about all his prisoners, and asks if he can give the true death to Eric. She’ll get back to him.

So Eric is in Bill’s prison where who do we see but Pam! They have an awesome scene where Pam remembers all the good times they had together, but Eric is a whole new Eric and wants nothing to do with the old Eric. Pam is pretty upset, though it’s tough to see through her melty face.

In devil baby news (now named Mikey), Mikey the devil baby has burned Arlene and Terry’s house down, but has made his way out of the house himself. Devil doll magic! The devil doll may be possessed by an old slave girl. The only important thing about all this is that Terry’s armadillo is safe. And Sam the Landlord is gonna be busy for a while. Oh and a still-on-V Andy may get lucky with Holly soon.

Because Sam is busy , he asks Tommy to open Merlotte’s. Tommy goes above and beyond doing Sam’s job and actually BECOMES SAM. He goes on to fire Sookie, promote Jessica to waitress, and have sex with Luna (then kick her out) and generally make trouble for Sam when he gets back. This story is as stupid as it sounds, except that Sam Trammell absolutely KILLS IT acting like Tommy in his body. Maybe not Anna Torv on Fringe playing five versions of her character, but still pretty damn good. The walk, the talk, the mannerisms – Sam nailed everything. Tommy for his trouble-making looks pretty bad at the end, unconscious (maybe dead, hopefully?) with some chunky puke next to him.

Down in Mexico, Jesus’ crazy grampa wants a sacrifice for his help. Jesus is down with this, though Lafayette is still very skeptical for someone who can bring dead birds back to life. The sacrifice is a snake, skillfully caught with bare hands by Jesus, which granddad proceeds to get it to bite Jesus. Laf wants to help but is pretty helpless, until he becomes possessed by a certain “Tio Luca“who can cure anything with a touch and some poetic words. Laf is all “who the fuck is Tio Luca“?

Hey look, more of this Alcide and the pack thing again. Debbie has agreed to join the pack, and eventually Alcide gives in and will join too. Moving on.

With the full moon coming tonight, everyone is pretty on edge. Especially Jason, who thinks chaining himself to a bed will save him from killing some folks as a werepanther. Sookie helps by staying with him to watch over him, and by “watching” I mean “going into the house and letting Jason run off.”  As Sookie runs through the woods looking for Jason, she comes across Alcide and Debbie going to the pack meeting, because the Louisiana woods are just so small (and why is the Shreveport pack meeting in Bon Temps?). Alcide at least explains that weres are born, not made, so Jason should be cool.

Jessica’s waitress debut is spoiled by her sensing Jason’s fear of becoming a werepanther, so she runs to help him. Jess ‘n Jason have just an awesome scene together in the woods – adorable, touching, honest, sweet, and with a rising amount of sexual tension. This literally may have been my favourite moment of the season. The two actors just killed it. They say goodnight, but by then the tension can be cut with a knife. I’m sure something’s happening there down the road.

Marnie is stuck in Bill’s dungeon ‘o fun and she dreams about being Antonia and getting raped by a priest, one Father Luis. And Antonia gets burned at the stake and you see some vamps burning. It turns out that Father Luis is actually Sheriff Luis in the present, the sheriff who complained last week that Antonia led his maker into the sun. This actually has a payoff later, as Marnie gets possessed by Antonia, possibly permanently, and Sheriff Luis shows up all pissy looking for some revenge. But Antonia gets the best of him with some lame magical hand-pointing. Fiona Shaw will not be outdone by Sam Trammell though, and acts the shit out of being Antonia, completely transforming away from Marnie. I finally see why they needed a decent actress to play this stupid role.

So King Bill got his orders to sentence Eric to the true death. Eric is very accepting of his punishment, as he cannot defend the old Eric. Eric is all noble as the end nears (yeah right, like they’re gonna kill Eric) and asks for Pam’s release and for Bill to pass a love note to Sookie for him. Eric’s very very sweet in the face of his we-know-it’s-not-coming death, even wanting Bill to get back with Sookie so she’ll be happy. So Bill raises a silver spear and… scene. Eric may die! Not!

Tara is still Tara, and her lesbo gf shows up to Bon Temps all the way from N’awlins. They have some truth-telling sessions and all seems forgiven, and the lesbo gf throws Tara down to the ground pretty quickly for some lovin’, accomplished with a bit of a “whoosh” vamp sound. I’ve watched the throwdown ten times to try to see if this is supposed to mean the lesbo gf is supernatural somehow or just a good MMA fighter, but I just don’t know. If she does turn out to be something, I guess I’ll have to learn her name finally. The end of their evening involves the newly-released Pam looking to fuck up the both of them.

Oh look, Eric is not dead! Told you! He shows up in the very small Louisiana woods where Sookie is still looking for Jason. Bill has set him free (of course), and over the lovely strains of Neko Case and while Bill enjoys a snifter of blood on his porch looking somber… (wait for it)… Eric and Sookie HAVE SEX. Um, yay? It’s soft and tender and all lovey-dovey. Use a blanket kids, or you’re gonna get rocks and sticks in your back doing that (in your back if you’re lucky). END CREDITS.

True Blulz

“So for once in your life I strongly suggest you stay out of it” (Bill, to Sookie. More people should say that.)
“He’s a self-loathing power-hungry pompous little dork” (Pam, re Bill)
“You’ve reached Officer Jason Stackhouse. If this is an emergency, dial 9…1…1, and ask for me. Peace. BEEP.”
“What do you think that meant? Change my kitty litter?” (Jason)
“I’m a police officer… and a werepanther… back off!!!” (Jason)
“Those Hotshot fuckers are so dumb they can’t even make a werepanther right” (Jason)

Grade: B. There was some great stuff in this ep – Jason ruled, Sam as Tommy, and some more 16th century witch development which I’m actually beginning to like, believe it or not. And sure, Eric and Sookie had sex, but we all knew that was coming sooner or later (even without reading the books), so it’s not really affecting my grade either way. But I’m back to what I said up top – this is the halfway point, and I’d like to know what’s going on this season. So my problem is that halfway through this season, we are still all over the place with stories. What is this season about? Anything? And this episode just continued the “here’s a bunch of shit happening in Bon Temps” we’ve been getting, and it’s becoming annoying.