s3ep6 recap – sookie is too stupid for words

Well this was an interesting episode. It’s like they’ve listened to my complaints (well, except for stupid Sookie). The story lines and characters I hate were not as bad as usual! Shit happened! Are you sufficiently teased? Find out what the shit was that happened in all the spoiler-y goodness after the jump.

Before we begin, a big thanks to Wrap for covering the recap beat last week. I do not have her ability with the gif’s, so please bear with me and my words. On to the words!

So remember Sookie’s handy ray of light at the end of last ep? It turns out it wasn’t the greatest weapon in the world. The whole gang is just back at Russell’s house, Sookie sufficiently trapped. Bill is all pissy, and takes out a WW guard and a vamp with a stake but his attempts to kill Russell are pretty laughable considering their respective ages. He gets taken away, the whole time begging Eric to save Sookie. Eric, continuing to ingratiate himself with Russell, tells Russell “it” is quite valuable. “It” is Sookie. Yes, Eric, her acting can be a little wooden, but she seems human (I think).

Awesome freaky sexy credits.

Now normally as is my tradition I would get the Sam family storyline of suck out of the way first. And I still will, but I admit I kind of enjoyed the reveal from this week. As it turns out, the family’s trouble stems from Tommy not wanting to join the family business. I know, I know, kids these days. So what’s the family business? Let’s just say it’s something PETA and Michael Vick don’t see eye to eye on. You’d think shape-shifters could find an easier way to make a buck. The storyline ends with Sam running off to rescue Tommy from the ring.

Love takes a beating this week. First we have Jason, who is on fire for Crystal who ain’t no virgin but won’t do anything kinky. But she runs off. When Jason chases her down later he finds her “fiancé” with a damaged face. Whoops! Though she doesn’t seem too happy with said fiancé. Anyway, Jason takes out his frustrations on QB1 with a little coitus interrupting. Be funnier Jason! This side of your personality is annoying.

The other love story, Lafayette and Jesus, looks pretty good for a while. They’re all flirty hanging out in Lafayette’s car. We get some Jesus background, only interesting (to me at least) because his various living stops as a child with his mom (who btw was raped by Jesus’ father) included Montreal. So they make out in the car and back at Lafayette’s place. Well done HBO for showing some interracial male homosexual kissing. Alas, we won’t get some interracial male homosexual sex any time soon. Some hillbillies show up, Jesus and Lafayette take care of them pretty awesomely, but Jesus is all “just say no” when it comes to Lafayette’s drug dealing, and the mood is spoiled and he goes home.

Back at Merlotte’s, Jessica is hungry. She eats customers without killing them and gets them to leave tips for Arlene.

OK I think that gets rid of all the B-plots. All of the main characters are together in Jackson and shit is going down! Russell tells Lorena to take Bill to the slave room and kill him. Lorena is none too happy about that, but she’ll get into it pretty soon. Eric tells Sookie to shut up and acts for all of us when he has to cover her mouth to do it. OK, one gif:

STFU Sookie!

Franklin is continuing his lovey-dovey engagement with Tara, and continues to be nuts. Tara is going along, going so far as to have some blood-drenched pre-marital sex with him. She’s playing him though, and as they spoon she manages to get a mind-reading message to Sookie that they will escape at dawn.

Sookie is being annoying. Yes I know, I’m supposed to be recapping things that are new. She hates Eric’s guts bla bla bla. We get a great scene where Russell and Sookie ask each other questions by the fire. Russell is very interested in her powers, Sookie is very interested in basic plot points everyone but her already knows. Russell shows her Bill’s file on her. Sookie says her grandfather was like her with the magic powers, and she thinks she may be an alien and learns there’s a Queen. Russell speaks for the audience when he mockingly tells her “you don’t know anything at all do you?”

Lorena has Bill tied up in the slave room, and dives right in to some torture, with her blood inside him. She can slice him up all night if she has to, and they bla bla bla about what it really means to be a vampire. Lorena prefers vampires as human-eating assholes, but Bill ain’t into that. By the end of the evening Bill is looking pretty close to dead, and Lorena cries while she leaves what’s left of him to Cooter and Debbie who suck him dry.

Eric and Talbot play cards and flirt. Talbot is all “you never take me anywhere!” when Russell invites Eric to go for a limo ride instead of him. Russell and Eric talk about WWs and how all vamps hate them but Russell uses them. Russell talks about his plans to take over the world or something. I get the feeling this is important, but it’s not really developed yet. Step one in world domination is to get the scratch lottery-loving Queen betrothed to him. Sophie-Anne hilariously and grudgingly accepts, and Eric pledges his allegiance to Russell. Side note: Eric, as it turns out, is older than Sophie-Anne. So why is she the Queen?

Dawn arrives, and Tara begins the escape plan by SMASHING THE FUCK OUT OF FRANKLIN’S FACE!!! Well done Tara for doing something for a change. Not sure if Franklin is dead, though Tara used a crazy medieval-looking mace thing which may be enough to kill a vampire I guess, if it was silver and Franklin’s head came off. Tara continues her Bruce Willis action hero ways by scamming her way into Sookie’s room with a bowl of almonds and knocking off the WW guard. She and Sookie escape, but (and I know you’re not gonna believe this) Sookie won’t leave without Bill. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SOOKIE. This was a new low in your pathetic-ness, and it’s gonna cost you. Tara runs off while Sookie goes to find Bill, and just as I was wondering where Alcide was this whole episode, he shows up to help Tara. Sookie finds the almost-dead Bill, but she also finds a pretty pissed-off and sad Lorena. Lorena (correctly) blames Sookie for all her troubles and gives Sookie the business when she CHOMPS INTO HER NECK. Sookie screams. End credits.

The Jason ‘n Andy Show
Is on hiatus this week. Jason was not really funny at all, and Andy was barely in the ep. I hope Jason the comedian returns soon. Lovesick Jason is boring.

Grade: B+. Really lots of good action especially by the end, and Tara wasn’t useless for a change. I like that we spent A LOT of time in Jackson with the main characters. There was very little superfluous stuff this week, and in fact many characters barely appeared or not at all. There was more focus I think. A noticeable lack of comedy and nudity (though I think I saw Alcide’s ass, fleetingly) prevents this ep from being in the A range.